Thursdays

Since I was in elementary school I've always had this complex about Thursday. Just that day in the week where you've run out of fresh outfits to wear (clean draws); you've made it through "hump day" but you have one more day to go; you're excited and anxious for Friday, And it's  probably raining or gloomy out. On top of all of that I have learned since my diagnosis that it's the day that I am most sluggish. It's particularly hard to get out of bed. I'm a bit slow and foggy in the brain and all I can think about is putting my feet up and watching TV. 

Anyways I have been completely obsessed with trying to lose weight. It's mentally frustrating when I know that my body needs to be strapped to a treadmill with a carrot in my mouth, but at the same time knowing that neither of which is very healthy for me. I used to be so active and determined to push myself physically. Now my body literally stops moving if I walk too fast or do something I guess "it" doesn't like. I remember last year, before my diagnosis), I was running late for a train (story of my life) and suddenly, out of nowhere, I couldn't move. Now what does that mean? My best description is that all of my muscles in my legs contracted at the same time. Something also used to occur with my back, but it's difficult to explain. But it's so weird and crazy to comprehend that one day you can be fine and the next day you can't make a train.

Back to the point....I tried eating fewer calories, like 1200, for the past week and I recognized today that I got that tingling sensation thought my whole body when I get hungry. Trying to find the meaning of that. It's annoying to find out that everything is MS related (and uncontrollable).

Also,  I found that doing cardio that's not specific to one area of the body (which will cause that area to be weak) is tolerable in light doses. I'll discuss more of that later in the summer when I've done it a few times. 

Please feel free to leave comments about exercises that have helped you or diets that haven't left you feeling weak!!

-Morgan

Keep it between us

It's late. Not too late, but late in the sense that I have to wake up for work in a few hours and if anyone knows me, I need my sleep!! I made the mistake of reading up on this new medicine I was infused with three weeks ago. First mistake I made was not researching before I took it because I was too/nervous/overwhelmed/anxious to feel better that I just listened to what my (sometimes aggressive) doctor says without thinking. Anywho, just reading about how the meds haven't been passed yet for MS treatment and all the cautions and possible symptoms was a lil frightful for me. Almost scarier than just watching a scary movie at this time of night. 

Not knowing what's happening with my body, with or without meds, has been the scariest/overwhelming/nerve racking/shitty/annoying part of this unbelievable journey I'm on. I have decided to start this blog, 426 days after my diagnosis, because I hope that maybe, just maybe I can help someone like myself by sharing my story. It has been a very difficult road so far and I don't expect anything to get easier, but I hope by writing I can help get my mind off of my body because it has become so overwhelming and distracting (hence why I'm still awake). 

Goodnight world! 

Share your secrets. Share your story. 

- morgan 

Dancer dancing soon again

When I started this blog I had intentions of calling it Dancer Dancing Daily. I had just moved back home and was seriously going to embark on a journey that I thought would suit me just fine. I was going to try and dance professionally. I had mapped out what classes I would take ... Rhapsody Monday Wed Fri audition on the weekends and try a jazz class here and there, Neil and Jared late night on thurs and ryan on fri. I thought i wa doing the damn thing. Little did I know God a different plan for me. I got sick like three weeks after getting home from school in january. And by sick I mean I was dizzy all of the time. Realizing it was vertigo,I tried my best to stay living the life I was... Going to dance class everyday at BDC and hoptowhatship on Fridays... Struggling to face the fact that something was wrong with me. I couldn't dance. Now in my brain I'm thinking wtf I can't dance... That doesn't make any sense ... Everyone can dance or at least try to right? Well not me. One day in early March I was walking to the LIRR like normal and all of the sudden my body tensed up muscles all tightened in my back, legs became weak, toes went numb and there it was - I was standing in the street helpless and immobilized. Now granted it may have been for only a minute... It felt like forever and I knew then and there the rest of my life would be different. I have multiple sclerosis and some part of me would deal with this, everyday for the rest of my life. And you know what nothing could change that. Not a doctor... He didn't have much to say and medicine doesn't help this disease. Not a friend... One friend told me oh Courtney from SYTYCD has it and she's fine.. Little does she know very patient is different extremely different ... Not my parents...they're scared just like me. I will have to conquer it on my own.
I guess the point of this post is live. LIVE. That old saying dance like nobody is watching is such a proverb to live by because u never know when that could be taken away from you and each time you dance you want to do it with such fierce and perform with such tenacity that it's like your in your mirror on a Saturday morning.
I'm slowly getting back to my old self, but I'm constantly living in fear of another attack caused by excessive physical activity. Either way I want to spread the message to dance like its your last dance. I would love to go back to the last class I was in a give it my all. Not knowing it would be the last one I go to for months.

Like the first day of School

Inspiration blooms like flowers in the spring.

I never thought I would want to blog until two things happened recently: I wrote a self-reflecting poem for class (see below) and I was asked during an interview if I blog/why i don't blog.  I'm excited, nervous, anxious and eager to share my thoughts, like its the first day of school. My passion for music and dance will beam through this blog like a light at night...so enjoy =)

beyonce, Beyonce, BEYONCE

I stumbled upon this video on worldstarhiphop.com that displays this girl basically goin in on Beyonce about the lyrics to her new song, Run the World. Now, i'm no extreme feminist, but this girl has some valid points. I do agree that there are it is idealistic for anyone to write lyrics about demanding feminine power in such a male dominated world. However, where do you suggest someone start? One would hope that females with political power would use their power to encourage and get bills passed for gender equality, discouraging domestic violence and other issues women of any race face around the globe. But shouldn't we all encourage Beyonce to make songs that encourage women to be who they want to be, despite all the forces against them. Obviously, Beyonce cannot change the perception of every man on the planet to the idea that Girls really do run the world.  LET people dream. In the video this girl mentions how Beyonce is putting false impressions in young girls' heads about girls really having power. Ummmm wtf. If you don't believe in the idea that something can happen, change will not occur. I believe that if girls believe they have power, they will be less likely to allow discrimination, workplace harassment, and other disrespectful acts against them. Like you said, a shift needs occur. I'm pretty sure Beyonce realizes that too. She wrote a song about an idea that may be false in the present, but forces one to dream about the future, has a hot beat and is making her some damn money. Why hate?

I could go on and on in response to this person's video, but hopefully Beyonce makes a comment about her own lyrics sometime soon.

here's the video:http://www.worldstarhiphop.com/videos/video.php?v=wshh6894XQ45OsUZLsxb