Thursdays

Since I was in elementary school I've always had this complex about Thursday. Just that day in the week where you've run out of fresh outfits to wear (clean draws); you've made it through "hump day" but you have one more day to go; you're excited and anxious for Friday, And it's  probably raining or gloomy out. On top of all of that I have learned since my diagnosis that it's the day that I am most sluggish. It's particularly hard to get out of bed. I'm a bit slow and foggy in the brain and all I can think about is putting my feet up and watching TV. 

Anyways I have been completely obsessed with trying to lose weight. It's mentally frustrating when I know that my body needs to be strapped to a treadmill with a carrot in my mouth, but at the same time knowing that neither of which is very healthy for me. I used to be so active and determined to push myself physically. Now my body literally stops moving if I walk too fast or do something I guess "it" doesn't like. I remember last year, before my diagnosis), I was running late for a train (story of my life) and suddenly, out of nowhere, I couldn't move. Now what does that mean? My best description is that all of my muscles in my legs contracted at the same time. Something also used to occur with my back, but it's difficult to explain. But it's so weird and crazy to comprehend that one day you can be fine and the next day you can't make a train.

Back to the point....I tried eating fewer calories, like 1200, for the past week and I recognized today that I got that tingling sensation thought my whole body when I get hungry. Trying to find the meaning of that. It's annoying to find out that everything is MS related (and uncontrollable).

Also,  I found that doing cardio that's not specific to one area of the body (which will cause that area to be weak) is tolerable in light doses. I'll discuss more of that later in the summer when I've done it a few times. 

Please feel free to leave comments about exercises that have helped you or diets that haven't left you feeling weak!!

-Morgan

Keep it between us

It's late. Not too late, but late in the sense that I have to wake up for work in a few hours and if anyone knows me, I need my sleep!! I made the mistake of reading up on this new medicine I was infused with three weeks ago. First mistake I made was not researching before I took it because I was too/nervous/overwhelmed/anxious to feel better that I just listened to what my (sometimes aggressive) doctor says without thinking. Anywho, just reading about how the meds haven't been passed yet for MS treatment and all the cautions and possible symptoms was a lil frightful for me. Almost scarier than just watching a scary movie at this time of night. 

Not knowing what's happening with my body, with or without meds, has been the scariest/overwhelming/nerve racking/shitty/annoying part of this unbelievable journey I'm on. I have decided to start this blog, 426 days after my diagnosis, because I hope that maybe, just maybe I can help someone like myself by sharing my story. It has been a very difficult road so far and I don't expect anything to get easier, but I hope by writing I can help get my mind off of my body because it has become so overwhelming and distracting (hence why I'm still awake). 

Goodnight world! 

Share your secrets. Share your story. 

- morgan